I had a great Christmas and New Year with the two people that I most love and care for - Tai was home for almost all of the the holiday and Alex (my ten year old who Tai is very fond of) was in Dubai from 22nd December to 2 January. I am lucky that they are such good friends.

 

As the new year starts there is so much that I am looking forward to on the personal side. I have never felt this certain about someone or this deeply committed.

 

Yet nagging away is uncertainty about my work - that is the nature of the company I work for. And a sense of not being settled in Dubai. In Toronto, Hong Kong and Bangkok I felt I was living somewhere that I could happily call home. But Dubai is not home. It is a place in transition and it is a place where I feel as though I am in transition. I work hard here and we make the best of the time that we have together in Dubai when Tai is not flying. But I do not feel at ease here.

 

We were in Bangkok together last weekend and it was great to be back amid the the energy, colours. smells, people sights and  places. And it was good to see friends that I miss. One day we will be back there together.

 

When I joined Reuters the company gave me the chance to travel the world. There were long overseas trips which gave me the opportunity to explore and work in so many different cities and cultures. Within a year of joining Reuters I had been to the Middle East, the Far East and the USA. Now it is Tai's time to have that opportunity. And it is my time to work hard to give us the future that we want and deserve. One big difference is that when I was travelling there were no digital pictures and all my pictures are in old photo albums !

 

I think about Alex every day. It is hard being away from him. I remember the things I used to do with my Dad. How he would help with homework; how we would go over to the local playing field and kick a football around. How he would come home arly from work and take me to the evening session at the local Warwickshire county cricket ground.

 

There was good and bad of course. We moved from Birmingham to the middle fo no where - a tiny little village nf the Shropshire-Staffiordshire border. It was a great career move for him; but it was farming land, not city life; the local school was an hours's drive away and I dont remember being happy there. He would try though. In the end it was the incentive I needed when he encouraged me to go to his old boarding school, Haileybury. I remember when he took me to the school to meet some of the staff there. I had never been away from home for more than a weekend and then only with family. But now I was ready - and he helped me for hours with my Common Entrance exam as the grammar school curriculum did not easily fit to the baording school requirements.

 

I cannot do that for Alex. I know his Mum is there for him. But I am not. I call him most days and he always seems happy and sensible. But I miss watching him grow up. I miss helping answer his curiosity.

 

I lost one family. I lost that family because I did not put the family first; i put me and my work first. Alex's mum and I forgot how to look after eachother; we forgot how to make eachother feel needed, important and wanted. Of course there is more to it than that. It took me a large part of my life to understand the real obligations that come with loving someone without conditions.

 

But it is never to late to be the person you want to be; to be with the person that changes your life; to be with the person that makes you grateful for every new day.

 

Work is work; If I have to change job then I will as long as it is in Dubai and Tai and I are happy and together.

 

Thats about it for an update. We will be on holiday in four weeks. Time away together is important as we only get llimited time together in Dubai between flights.

 

On a final note, my baby brother, who is three years younger than me, is about to becone a step-grandfather. And there am I thinking how wonderful if would be if Tai and I have a family. She would be a wonderful mother !

 

Have a great 2008. I hope it is a very special year.